remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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