My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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