It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
