K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
