He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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