Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
