You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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