i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
