Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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