New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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