I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
