My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
