i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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