i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
