You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize