I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
