omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
