Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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