I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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