I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
