why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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