I hate your face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
