i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh god it's open bar.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
