I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
