youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
