The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
