he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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