last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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