Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
