On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
