He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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