my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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