I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize