No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So squirting runs in the family.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize