Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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