My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need a beard to bite.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
