dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have feelings that need drinking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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