Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
