So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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