So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize