i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
