I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
