I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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