Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
