wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
its not stalking. its research.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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