hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So vagazzling was a success
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
