hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
