she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
