the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
