i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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