you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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