My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
