Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
