I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
