Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
