fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dont even know how to be here
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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