Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
