I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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