Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
