The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize