So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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