I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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