So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
