Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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