but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
