She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
