Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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