so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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