Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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