Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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