Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
