This girl is more easily done than said...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she peed on how many people?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
